eyes

i have eyes when i dont know it
i have sight but i would throw it
all away for something clearercoloured mind, which should i follow
between light and my tomorrow
there's a string connecting passages
while i keep receiving messagesi'm in love with contradiction
i'm at loss for words, the dictionary
couldn't keep up listing
everything my mind's been missing
tried my best to keep it with me
in the end it's all been useless
cause my mind's been workin loosely
always has been, would always choose to bebut the laws that kept complying
for the legends that were dying
for the synonym of alien
for the tears that we've been crying
for the people who surround me
catching me off guard, allow me
try to understand your mystique
try to carve the inner outwardscorrespond to what im hoping
try to eat it up, i'm choking
have i kept the grasp? i don't
remember having grabbed it in the first placelike a misty morrows morning
my eyes gave me a warning
but i threw them all away
I threw them all away

snippet

blurry hands in the cold
motionless, out i hold
them warmtouch the moonlights honey dream
tasteful through the night
licking lips in tangerine
swimming in steep lightfrozen eyes in a state of shock
calling you wordless
minding your own business
they stumbling, mad and hungry
caress the chin that calls you over
kiss the mouth that bites your tounge
and breathe it in, crumbling in your lungthis illusion, fog around
disillusioned, when the loud
sound is prepped up for morning work
disturbed pleasure just what you heardwhen the sun rises and the blue black sky
turns to timid lights
vanishing, the morning bird has died
and all the need for reason
is what keeps you alive

memories of a fleeting identity

I remember remembering
Members of a doctrine
I'm coming up with "comedy"
"What's wrong with me?"
Strong vocabulary, but no long term memory
No regularity,
No monthly ovulation
Only controlled chaos, parts without lacing
I'm basing my sayin off the momentary
Standing ovation It's just formality
Fellas rather acting all conspiratorially, erecting a memorial
Following the highest order only
Word of mouth, all orally
In my mind, thought constipation, I see full of fallacy
Me, exasperation, I don't need no chasing validation
Thin meaning
I got beatin pulse, but fleetin feels, nanosecond lightbulb flashin
nevermind and bring my speech
to a screeching halt, beat me to a pulp
Stop the culprit who unfolded
the origami crane inside my brain
Then came to the stage
Face the masses, alas, catastrophy, that mask be me
Identity like sand, can be many shapes, slide thru my hand
Not graspable
Who's really be my fans, stand by and thru the chance
Of shut down, distance, or restart, view thru a new lense
that person who used to dance now balance on the tightest rope
Dope shit but no hope, my motto, just smoke and mirrors
Bottom line, fill up with fillers, kill time with silly interludes
Boot up once again, wash the script with soap
Now you understand

mind

I don't mind that youre looking at me with that face i dont like
some people change some people dont
some overhaul some refine
sometimes looking back to move forward is the only way
sometimes being taken out of your dream is important when you're doing too wellbut i mind
that i still look at you the same way i used to do
when you're stuck in heaven and cant appreciate living
when you take love away but refrain from giving
when mourning takes over in a paradise
you'd rather be dead than old and wise ?the bell rings, the tone calls with a morning coffee
normal life, sand bags surround you in a grey sea
all living dead and all alleys black
big corridors with mirrors and red colour on it
love it long for it but always postpone it
cause fear and anxiety, death traps are life threats
your wife's mad, but like that white cat that likes sleeping till the evening
like a lonely sheep, peaceful, you've got to be keeping it
the last thing you would need is some down to earth system
a realistic revenue for that you are living
in a world full coloured but it's 1920 tv
and all progress goes backwards and every friend is your enemy
you're a menace, a bad fantasy, a bad book, insanity
love it or change it, when you get a chance, you'll see

charismatic

how do i look like other people
how do i look for other people
how am i not scared of other people
how do i not lack confidence
how do i get a chance for once
how do i spread my hands for those who need
how can i pull them out when they're in so deep
how do i count sheep
when i can't sleep
when i know my dreams will creep
me back to my reality
to the countless hours of shivers and tears
how do i counter my fears
how can i have open ears
when i can't hear
when all that enters are needleshow did i find lyrics
the words conquer my mind, anchor in line, sword on my spine, commands assign,
write, listen, write, think, white paper, black linestouch the ground below
you'll reap the wheat you sow
as little as they were, the seeds
the middle of the dirt you keep
the ground wet so they grow
you burst out into tears when the leaves begin to show
the worst you would, will never be bad
the biggest show will in fact
be smaller than average
calling to you, darlingwork hard for the starlight
pull the generations far from where they started
cut into the intermediate intermission
and use your opportunities, restructure it internally
like a technician

shapes in gentle waves

Shapes in gentle waves
The ways we walk
Us talking endlessly each night
The breaking point
Like sand and oil
A bitter beige
A pretty pink
The sun is sinkingHey you
I'm broken
I'm soaked and wet
I'm hoping
That
Wide open
Arms will let me rest
After calmly falling down
After forcing my tears outA note for the future
Just in case i forget
When the daily mess comes back
When in mazes I'll be led
With a piece of paper in my pocket
swiftly written on it
Some directions and ideas
and corrections and some peers
To keep me stable
How to follow fears
And how to find back
Determination
Is a big word
But I'm sure i can nail that...

recent times

with an inflated opinion
about the hatred within me
i feel betrayed, i feel swindled
while I barely catch the latest bus right after dusk
but the ones and zeroes zoom across
when the cookie bot been altered thus it's quicker than my comprehension
straight up ive been catered to
specifically
made for me
AI analyse my data
confiscating my concentrated personality
knows me better than my bestie, gotta fake italpha into beta, early access, wait for it
way too late for it, always bait, un-sheltered
but never shelled tho
always baking but taste be still like dough
aint no cake, this pastry kept too low
always shady
business practices casting the course aggressively, currency
the current fee too high for me i opt out
optimally, free
but down the line blocked access
welcome to the big event, to the sick pretend that never ends
from leetspeak to lootbox, from homestuck to roblox,
adwalls, and paywalls, and adblock, and crypto stocksopinion outed, cancelled,
only banter, dismantled your intent and
banned for things you used to ask for
in the grand scheme, not what you stand for
step ur foot down to the front- no, back off
back to who you was 5 years agoto the center of attention
but dont ping and never mention
keep on sharing and commenting

let out

let out
that thoughtlet it outdon't keep on dwelling
internally yelling
heavenly hell
i'm caring too much
i'm carrying stuff
like my parent
a sibling
in their belly
should they not be marrying
responsibilities, too many, bring
me something
something lighter
like a fraudulent fighter
i try to decipher
how to beat my own alter ego
i'm the strict guide
and you are the disciple
follow the light, i say
but turn off the lighter
the bullet is mightier
than the gun
so i shoot
and if that don't work
a kick with my boot
you listen, i order
you follow, i yell
whether it's insecurity
i need continuity
finding out the truth you see
is one way to approach
reality
but thoughts so personal
the body's a vessel for interpretation
i hate it
so many ways in which thoughts that are based in
observation might not benefit chasing the fact to the basin
found it in a box, all dusty and locked up
the answer to the inquiry
...do i really wanna see?
must it really be
FAQ versus "how-do-you-do?"control the inner or the outerself reflection will cater to mates that will care bout me but i feel free already so let me be

hey peeps!

hey peeps!
i am existing ! weee!
presence is consisting of me !
life has indulged in yours truly
it flows through me
i am but a fruit of the planet
have you not seen me, i am a prospect
an aspect, a rough sketch
a laugh track, or a false step ?
sometimes I'm all black, sometimes I fall flat
by the snap of the finger i linger around, unhinging doors
entrance reevaluated, commencing force
concentrate matter, bring it into course
calibrate parametres, collect through the stores
ingredients to torment individuals, laws
nothing but reptilians, egg-laying with claws
saying "no remorse", no i'm not a fool no more
i write my own lore, with my own pen, abort
any previously established economies
stains round my veins, blood runs through, deep
keep it running
steep hills climbing, tall buildings, mind them,
but dont align them in patterns like you used to
cut em out like cardboard
mannequins with paper dresses
less a sight and more for show
care about the core and not about the dancing messes
all around the globe
been a long time, big thought, right?
been a long time
haven't felt like this before
but been a long time

i need to stop

somehow i know
i need to stop and leave
my minds been wondering, nothing
has been keeping me
achieving hasnt ever been
that easy once you found
a common ground
you try to hang on
live on life with 2 of us
its been never as easy as it sounds
make it worse and harder
boy my fathernever called him back
i never cut some slack
i always push and push and push
i never give in to anyones living shit
i will
stickwith a flick of a wrist
people twist their motive
like they care bout paying notice
but the thing is, it is idealised
and though i despise
my head kinda does its own thing sometimesi cant turn it off
like a killswitch or null stop
canon now
cannon pow
out of my movement out my mind like i knew judo
how do i counter effectively
to things, without reflecting,
acting out of reflex all affectionately
but letting things affect me
let em have an effect on me
u put the drop on top and
it becomes part of the confect
you pop the bottle
pressure built up
will release in thousand waves
microscopic reformations
in a millisecond race
form they mazes in the air
sharing neighbourhoods performance
eventually landing
but just that process
is a big messjust my mind alone cant stand things
cus its slow and overwhelmed
categorizing, analysing
mesmerising details
memo them and feed your inner
need for destination
deprivation of fixed points
you want to live and hit it
follow the line of thought
of thought of thought of thought
once youre there you realise you might be part of the plot
conneticut connection
from ohaio to the netherlands
lethargy is metaphorically
content to comprehend, nothing more,
informational aspect
more relevant than anything, you know where you're at, you think
but what you really know you dont, or else you wouldn't look
and keep on looking, like a private eye
investigating shenanigans on someone elses business
send back what you found in parcels, on the ground
you kneel and put your magnifier near
fire in your eyes
now fire on the ground as well
burning down the skies, from far away its clear as day
but breathing aint that easy
you lie down, hesitating, but now fully stretched out
count the days till curiosity kills the cat
"now", you found the answer
the reason why youre left behind...behindturn aroundthe stares, the hopes, the dreams, the fears
the moods, the flood of tears and crawling
aspects of humanity
along your neck, and arms and heels
the moment of minority
but to you all existence
for a passing of a fleeting feel
it seems way too persistent
you shake it off after one second
but that is way too late
nobody left now, nobody will find out
only you can care
irrelevant irrellevant irrelevant irrrrr
relevance is over